Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Oh right....this isn't normal...

So. I work at a donut shop/fast food place. I have for 5 years on-and-off (between school, hospitalizations, etc.). The irony of that is another post in itself.

Regardless, I had a small flash of clarity this evening. A co-worker was taking orders from the drive-thru and a customer inquired as to the calories of a bowl of chili. Logically, he went for the nutrition guide and began flipping through it. Impatient person that I am, I went "what are they looking for?" He replied and I immediately spit out the number of calories. Of a food that I haven't eaten in quite some time (no, I'm not scared of it anymore; I just haven't had it in a while).

At the time, I thought nothing of this, but as I sat on my break later, I realized that knowing the caloric content of nearly every food product that the store sells that I might even possibly eat one day is not normal. That is why they have nutrition guides. Because most people are not walking calorie encyclopedias. Most people do not spend their shift tallying their caloric intake for the day when they are bored and have no one near them to talk to. Most people want to go on break with another person, rather than being embarassed to eat with someone less than two feet straight in front of them watching/texting/whatever.

I feel "too well" to have anorexia anymore, but I still fail to recognize the abnormalities in my thought processes/behaviour most of the time. I almost wish I could live in someone else's mind for the day. Someone non-eating-disordered. Just to see what it's like, because it's been so long that I don't truly remember.


  1. This is a difficult place to be in. The best advice that I could give is to watch other people and the freedom that they have with food.

    For example, my husband thinks NOTHING of coming home from work at 5:15 and eating a bowl of ice cream, eating dinner at 6:30, and later having more ice cream or some Pop Tarts or a bowl of cereal or whatever his heart desires. He doesn't have a "requirement" he must meet first (i.e. "I can't have the Pop Tart until I exercise.") He just sees what he wants and eats it. I don't know if that approach will work for him forever (some idea of nutrition might be good, haha) but mentally he will not struggle with eating, exercise, calories, good/bad foods, or whatever. He just knows he's hungry and/or has a craving so he has what he wants. I think that's something to emulate. As you can look around and see how others approach food, you will hopefully find people with similarly healthy approaches. Watch them for a while and try to imagine being like that. If you can't imagine it, you know you have some progress to make and maybe you can pick and choose some of the aspects of their approach that you'd like to incorporate into your goals.

  2. im exactly the same... totalling my calorie intake when im bored, prefering to take my breaks alone instead of with other people because i am so much more comfortable eating alone.
    its true though, we shouldn't be walking calorie dictionaries. yet we are. i wonder if that will ever fade? will someone ask us one day, how many calories are in this apple? and will we ever reply, actually, i don't know!
    hmmm ;)
    take care love